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The Waldo Chronicles

Waldo vs. The Groomer


One thing we didn’t count on with Waldo is how often he has to be groomed. He has hair, not fur, and it grows like it’s been fertilized. Also he smells. It’s a generalized dog smell plus something particular to Waldo related to what he rolls in/digs up. We’re too lazy to give him a bath between grooming appointments so by the time six weeks have rolled around we love him only with arms outstretched.

We’re also too lazy to take him somewhere so the groomer comes to us in a cool van outfitted with everything she needs to torture Waldo. As soon as he sees her pull into the driveway he runs into his bed and buries his head under a bunch of chew toys. It’s like a toddler who puts his hands over his eyes and thinks you can’t see him.

I pick him up, hand him over to Kayla and he looks at me with the saddest eyes imaginable. Guilt washes over me. But I get over it as soon as the screen door slams because that smell is finally going away.

After she’s done, I pick him up and there is intense face licking and looking back at Kayla and the van in horror. When I put him down he beelines for the bed again until he hears the van leave, then joyously runs around the house shaking his head to get the clean cooties out.

I always take him for a walk right after the grooming to further alleviate the trauma. He makes sure to dig a monster hole each time, covering himself with dirt, leaves and bad smell. He knows exactly how to punish me.

Love Is A Many Splendored Thing

I often wonder if my love for Waldo is predicated on the degree to which I positively project on him. That’s the thing about a dog: he can be a blank screen for all your emotional hopes and needs. Feeling unloved, blue or lacking in self-esteem? If you feed, walk, and occasionally pet him a [...]

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Small Is Beautiful

When I worked in advertising a “Chinese wall” existed between the advertising and editorial sides of the media business, meaning that just because your client placed an ad didn’t mean said client could expect positive editorial coverage (an article or mention in the magazine, TV show, website, etc.). Those days are long gone; today it’s [...]

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Shiva The Destroyer

We’re the kind of men with white painted wood floors and cream woolen carpets. You know, fussy. That’s one of the reasons why, in 20 years together, Jack and I never had a dog.But we wanted one and after doing some research into hypo-allergenic breeds landed on a non-shedding Labradoodle, so very nice and tidy. [...]

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After dinner Waldo loves to play. To Waldo, “play” means jumping all over me while attempting to lick my ears. A good time is [generally] had by all.  Several days ago, however, Waldo’s leg met my eye with incredible velocity. I was initially blinded and crawled around on my hands and knees while moaning softly [...]

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What's A Dog's Life?

While staring into the white maw of the refrigerator searching for a glob of sugarless gluten-free low-carb cookie dough that exists only in my mind, I wondered, not for the first time, about the way Waldo experiences life.In a bit of a digression, let’s go back in time to my 6th grade teacher Mrs. Finch. [...]

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I grew up in Los Altos Hills, about 5 miles south of Palo Alto, and most of my family still lives in the area. When I was little it was rural and agricultural; the modest ranch house my parents bought in 1966 fit right in. Now it’s Lifestyles of the Google Founders and my parents‘ [...]

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More Than This

A number of you have emailed, wondering why I’m writing about my dog instead of grooming or aromatherapy. It’s possible this question has to do with the fact that we sell grooming and aromatherapy products.To be perfectly frank, I love Waldo more than personal grooming and if you were to look at me you would [...]

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Zen and The Art of Waldo Maintenance

Waldo and I take a 4 mile walk every day. Labradoodles are an "active" breed, meaning without exercise they act like a cross between Yeti and Linda Blair from The Exorcist. We thought this acute need would wear off after the puppy stage but no, and as “heel” has taken a back seat to “don’t [...]

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The World According To Waldo

Waldo's a people person, loves everybody. We're not sure he groks "gay," he's more of a poly-sexual type and isn't terribly discerning, especially in a state of post-play excitement, about who or what he humps. But like many Americans, Waldo's been waiting anxiously for today's Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage. Upon hearing the news [...]

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