If deep house is your scene, you'll get a lot of joy from Monday nights at Liquid in The Mission. This mixed crowd venue that is predominantly gay really packs 'em in, especially since the club and dance floor aren't terribly large to begin with, so getting there a bit early (before 11 pm) does help. Lots of healthy drinkers with a booty-shakin' itch to scratch. Be prepared to work up a sweat both on the floor and to get a drink once things get rollin', but there's good vibes to be had by all--especially when you've got some hot boy working it up next you on the floor. A fine selection of 20ish boys and girls, gay and straight and in-between to mix things up. Hidden gem: if you're discreet enough, a toke here and there off to the side won't really get you into trouble, and most likely will make you a few new friends joining you with a kind stash of their own.

TRANNY SHACK

"Tin roof, rusted!"--tranny style. After all these years at The Stud on Harrison at 3rd, Tuesdays still crowd the house here with its unique blend of dance and rock music with outrageous drag competitions hosted by Heklina. The dance floor fills in quick, and tight <wink> and really plays things out with its range of music. Lots of regular, funloving boys and girls out to play, with the emphasis on boys. This is definitely not your typical female impersonator act or cookie cutter drag performed here. Outstanding and courageous contestants throw themselves to the crowd with their personal and dramatic mixed-metaphor interpretations of Bjork, Shirley Temple, Marilyn Manson, Nina Hagen, and many more. It's all left to their imagination, and I imagine some of these performers have some real deep-seeded issues. Bizarre, intense and wildly entertaining. The drag show starts around 12 am for about an hour, and there's plenty of time to shake your own tail feather before and after. A number of young hotties working it here, though the ones on duty are usually along the bar or up front on the upper level. There's also the occasional drag queen breaking it down with the crowd on the dance floor. I'd tell ya not to worry, cuz they don't bite, but.... Ins and outs are cool if you wanna grab a smoke or what have you. Hidden gem: this night tends to draw local or visiting celebrities such as Jane Wiedlin of The Go-Gos or former MTV Real World cast members, among others.

MOBY DICK

Ah, what's in a name? For all you size queens looking for the "big one" that got away, you'll still have your work cut out for you as this bar's really giving nothing away with the sign outside. Though it is quite easy to catch a few looks here and there from this casual, friendly crowd on 18th Street. A good mix of 20-something alternative boys to more mature fabulous 40s guys in jeans and t-shirts. It's also a pretty good draw for the weekend sports teams if your flavor is athletic guys in uniform. A very casual, atypical Castro crowd who come to just hang out. Definitely the place to be for Happy Hour, Mondays through Fridays, though midweek is when things do kick in. Drink specials include two for one frozen Margaritas or Sex On The Beach which really do the job--believe me. Just hang and unwind and watch the contemporary rock and dance videos on the TVs around the bar, or shoot a few leisurely games of pool. Hidden gem: if you grew up at any time during the 80s, you must relive a few moments on the Galaga arcade game they have tucked away to the left next to the upper level bathrooms. Have a Rum and Coke and a smile.

THE PILSNER INN

A personal favorite bar of mine to hang at with a lowkey and very alternative 20-something to 30ish crowd. The guys here to tend to be a bit more reserved, but pretty friendly once you get things rolling. Or just go early on a Friday when everyone's on the weekend party bandwagon. They seem to travel in groups, so if you can break one off from the pack, more power to ya. Evening times are the best to hit here (later Happy Hour) especially after Wednesday, and active til about 11 pm Friday and Saturday nights. For a more mellow scene, later Sunday afternoons can be cool to just come and relax before heading into the next work week. The pool table has always got a run on it, so be prepared to show your stuff as some of these guys really know how to work the balls. The outdoor patio is definitely the more social area where exotic fauna abounds, a small pond swims with live Japanese fish, and outdoor mini-lights track the gazebolike path to the back. You can smoke out here, whatever it is you smoke, but be a boy scout about it. In the Castro on Church near Market. Hidden gem: an awesome electic jukebox ranging from EBTG to Stevie Nicks to The Rolling Stones and the Trainspotting soundtrack. The CD juke also includes local drag and Pilsner employee "soundtrack" picks which are quite interesting. Just too many faves to list here.

REFORM SKOOL

Bad boyz, bad boyz, watcha gonna do? Join 'em for afterhours at the The Stud on Thursday nites. Quite kewl progressive dance tunes keep these boys a movin' all nite long, though things don't start hitting high gear til about 1 am. The clubbers club with some tight DJ house beats and ultra-smooth grooves. A good number of underground-type boy hotties as well as fair amount of late night ladies. The club's pretty low-lit making everything open to interpretation, if you know what I mean, so cut loose and roll with it. Tight body dancers hit the go-go platforms throughout the nite, adding a little more eye candy to the boys already grinding it on the dance floor. Ins and outs are cool, so no worries there. Hidden gem: (when it's open) the little, dark "room" at the far end of the bar next to the dance floor where just about anything can happen and basically already has--a number of times.

FAG FRIDAYS

But isn't that every day in The Castro? True, but if you really want to mix it up and venture more towards the dark side, the infamous Endup at 6th and Harrison has got it going on every Friday nite for the most diverse boys in town. An overall friendlier, tighter group of alternative, circuit and club boys and afterhours straight-boy hotties. This crowd knows how to party and it shows. You can see it in their eyes. Deeper house with some vocal dance and drum 'n bass tossed in. This club doesn't stop til Saturday afternoon and there are the diehards that that don't stop either. This awesome space definitely has something for everyone, whatever your mood. You voyeurs can hang and watch the dance crowd from the front bar with its ultra cool neon and blacklite lighting. The dance floor is hot and tight--mmmm--but there's always the back patio just outside the sliding glass doors if you really wanna work it. Or kick back in the lounge area around the fireplace, shoot some pool, or make it with your best friend's boyfriend. Nah, you really don't wanna do that last thing. The outdoor back patio is perfect for conversation, dancing to the beat of your own drummer, or just watching the crowd. The patio's best on warm nights, but since we're pretty much out of those, there are heat lamps on the deck or bring a jacket (you can coat check) for the colder weather. Straight folk wander their way in after 2 am, which depending on your view, may or may not be to your liking. For the most part, the folks that show up here are pretty cool, and flirting with the straight boys can be quite hot. Especially when you meet one that's "open-minded" and seems into it, and then shows up on future Fridays sans the girlfriend. To avoid the lines, get there by 11 pm to just chill and take the tour before the boys start filing in. Or wait til about 12 am when the first rush has already made it in and you can slip right into the full-on groove once you walk in the door. You can smoke on the outdoor patio and ins and outs are allowed, but keep yourself together unless you want the bouncers messing with ya on the return trip. Hidden gem: the back corner of the outdoor patio has an awesome lush and tropical waterfall to chill by or just stare it--it's entrancing, trust me.

SUGAR

"'he brings me, sugar." More, please. The Stud keeps things sweet and tasty on Saturday nites with their afterhours hardhitting, danceable trance scene. It's smokin'. Lots and lots of peeps show up for this mad scene so get there between 11 & 11:30 pm to mark your territory on the dance floor--another tight night for bumpin' and grindin'. Sugar plays opposite Universe as far as the music and the crowd go, but has more to offer in both categories, especially in the meet and greet arena. Always cuties here, provided you can make them out in the darker club lighting. Lots of eye contact (once you're in clear, visual range), so don't be afraid to chat it up. You'll probably be glad you did. Coat check can be a bitch both coming and going now that it's colder, so leave your jackets in a car or with a friend if you can. Ins and outs are permitted and pretty much needed as things get pretty steamy inside. Hidden gem (more of a tip): the upper level next to the bar offers more groove room for those of you that are hardcore movers and shakers who need to turn it loose.

METROPOLIS

The correct answer is of course (C), and your alternative answer to the regular SF club scene. Three cool rooms of various dance, house, and electronica mixed in different forms throughout the evening at Space 550 located on Barneveld Street, just south of the main city scene. Happening every third Saturday of the month, and it's a "happening" when the groove is right. Sometimes the crowd can be kinda thin, but when when it's going, it's gone. A cool mix of SF's diverse gay crowd ranging from circuit boys to underground clubbers to alternative dudes. The space itself offers hours of enjoyment for the whole family, especially when you're "rolling" through. It's like a groovin' funhouse for grown-ups and those that haven't really grown up yet. The main dance floor next to the bar hosts the majority of the party crowd with a scenic laser and light show to keep the energy flowing. A runway balcony over the dance floor offers open viewing from above, a place to sit, or a more secluded area to make it with your boy--or someone else's boy. The chill room to the back left lets you fall back and kick your feet up, and has cushy furniture aplenty to mush into with whomever you choose. Usually a separate DJ runs this room with more stylish, groove-oriented break beats going down. Upstairs in the red room is another small bar with lounge area, and tends to be the more social hangout just outside the upper level dance floor where the dancers are heating it up in this more intimate space. Lower ceilings here have a surreal Alice In Wonderland effect on the brain. The far wall inside the upper dance area offers large windows to peer out into space at the raging crowd below, and be can kinda trippy while you're grooving to new music upstairs watching all the peeps working it to a different scene down below. In the back corner of this upper level dance area is a wraparound sofa for those still dancing in their head yet can't quite make it to the floor. There's a small fenced in patio outside the front door if you're needing fresh air or a smoke, but no drinks of any kind are allowed out. Save yourself some bucks, grab a flyer and get in free before 11 pm. Check out their three year anniversary party on 11/17 which is sure to be off da hook. Hidden gem: the wraparound sofa upstairs has been known at times to draw an audience to a few hot and heavy exhibitionists working that area.

SUNDAY T

Anyone? Just about everyone ends up at some point at the appropriately named Endup for the Sunday T Dance. Gay, straight, bi, what have you. Sometimes more gay. Sometimes more straight. But always kickback on Sunday afternoons with lots of wornout as well as freshfaced folks lounging in the backyard outdoor patio or kicking up their heels on the dance floor. Sunny days, even when cold, are the best days to go and enjoy the whole scene. A great place to share the love and chat it up for a Sunday social and pray to the DJ. It's like a big house party with quite a few fine and friendly boys you don't normally spot out. It's up to you to figure out exactly how friendly they are. You'll find a number of people left over from the night before who have continued on, those that took a disco break and came back out, and those just coming out for the day. Mid-afternoon til early evening has the freshest mix of house and vocal dance music with a seasoning of trance here and there before the harder thumpin' house scene kicks in later on. Obviously feel free to smoke on the outdoor patio, but if toking is your bag beware that it will be taken away if found, and may get you kicked out. Ins and outs are cool, but if you came early be advised that there is an additional cover for Devotion that starts at 8 pm if you go out and come back during that time. If you just stay in before 8 pm, there is no extra charge to continue on til 3 am, Monday. Hidden gem: if you're feeling voyeuristic, you can just chill and take in the sights from above the patio via the upper deck that you can access along the patio fence.

BIONIC

Remember Steve Austin, The Six Million Dollar Man? Well, this night has nothing to do with him. Sunday evenings at The Top (ummm, that's a small bar in the Haight, not your boyfriend's sexual position with you in bed) offers electric poppin' grooves with a jazzy drum 'n bass flavor. Basically a straight place, but if you're Nancy Boy enough, you must check it out after 9 pm. You'll find a few other m4m's there, guaranteed. One of the best intimate, ambient experiences I've experienced in SF with it's dark and bold decor and way cool backlit bar and small, cozy booths. The trippy, intimate light show on the raised back dance floor just enhances the silky smooth grooves that just flow from the bionic DJ on duty. Hidden gem: their alcoholic "Root Beer Float"--tastee!

THE DETOUR

Definitely a detour if you've wandered in here, but a recommended must-see just for the experience. Located in The Castro across the street from The Cafe, this bar meets all the criteria for hole-in-the-wall, aside from actually having any glory holes in the wall: small and discreet building face, black vinyl entry curtain, extremely dark interior, intensely cruisy. A daddy-type bar but not as leather daddy as you'd think with 20s-50s jeans and T's guys looking to hook it up, even right inside the bar. It's pretty small inside with the left half sectioned off by chainlink fence with ledge seats for you to wait on. Waiting for whatever it is you came looking for, though something is sure to find you. Friday and Saturday nights are the most intense and crowded, but pretty much anytime you'll find the same scene happening. Cheap beers, especially on Sundays. Hidden gem: the neverending, hot house and edgier trance music that throbs from here at all hours.

ORPHAN ANDY'S

For a supposed orphan, this "boy's" not hurting for food. Classic burger and fries diner fare, along with steak and potato dinners and hearty breakfast entrees. This 24-hour restaurant on 17th near Market is the place to eat if you wanna seriously throw down some heavy chow after partying in The Castro. Pretty small dining area, especially if you are with a group and want a booth rather than dining at the counter. You may end up waiting outside for quite awhile to get in after 2 am on the weekends, so be patient and dress warm or move on to somewhere else. The food is authentic, tasty stuff and be prepared for no-regrets eating as this is the real, fried deal. Live today, diet tomorrow.

BAGDAD CAFE

That's "Bag-dad", not "Big-dad", so don't worry. Another tasty 24-hour joint on Market Street with a more diverse and somewhat healthier menu for you waist watchers. Everything from sandwiches to omelettes to salads to apple pie. Quite the substantial breakfast options if that's your hankering after a late nite of weekend drinking. A staple of the Castro dining community with better chances of getting a table after the bars close. The service is pretty quick and quite friendly, even in the wee hours of the morning.

MARCELLO'S PIZZA

If you head out of the Castro bars early--yeah, right--you can grab an ample slice of pizza from Marcello's by 2 am, Friday and Saturday nites. Quite big and flavorful with a good selection of mixed toppings, but if you get there too late, you'll be reserved to what's left. They offer two types of pizza: a wide-cut, traditional slice and a square-cut deeper dish style. The traditional slices have the most selections for toppings. The traditional, sundried tomato and artichoke comes with my personal recommendation. Conveniently located on Castro Street near Market.

NIZARIO'S PIZZA

A small storefront joint a little more off the beaten path down 18th Street, a couple blocks off Market near The Midnight Sun bar. If you like pizza with just a bit thicker crust, you'll love Nizario's. They also have a very tasty sauce with thick and gooey cheese on every slice--yum! The topping selections are limited by the slice, but they have the basics from meat to vegetarian. Good-sized slices, but you'll probably opt for two. They stay open until 2:30 to 3 am every nite, but don't wait too long to make it in.

HOT COOKIE

For those of you with a powerful sweet tooth or just a mad chocolate craving, you can hit up Hot Cookie for some fresh baked cookie and brownie confections. Tons of chocolate, nut and frosted, baked good selections await you until 1:30 am weekend nights. Kinda pricey as you pay per pound so beware, but at that hour of the morning, who really cares. Splurge. The oatmeal-chocolate chip-nut cookies are straight from heaven.

^Top